I have, as of late, been reading The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath, and its been wrecking my mind. I want to share a few quotes from the book, and then explain myself.

“I felt like a race horse in a world without racetracks or a champion college footballer suddenly confronted by Wall Street and a business suit, his days of glory shrunk to a little gold cup on his mantel with a date engraved on it like the date on a tombstone. I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked.

…I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and everyone of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet”

“I saw the years of my life spaced along a road in the form of telephone poles threaded together by wires. I counted one, tow, three… nineteen telephone poles, and the the wires dangled into space and try as i could I couldn’t see a single one beyond the nineteenth”

At this point in my life, I’m very uncertain about the future. In 6 months I have no idea what I’m going to do with my life. There are jobs, there are places to live, there are cars, car insurance, health insurance, life insurance etc, a million decisions. Pray for me, pray for guidance, for opportunities to open, for perseverance, patience, and optimism.